The Paperwork Assassin

I’ve seen bureaucratic crimes against football artistry before, but the FA’s handling of Lucas Paquetá deserves its own wing in the Museum of Administrative Atrocities. When Brazil’s last true meia-atacante (that’s ‘playmaker’ for you Premier League fans) got entangled in betting regulations, what followed wasn’t justice - it was institutional negligence set to elevator music.

Act I: The Unmaking of a Maestro

Pre-suspension Paquetá wasn’t just good - he was mathematically irreplaceable. My Python models still show his ²⁰²²⁄₂₃ xA (expected assists) at 0.38 per 90, outperforming 94% of Europe’s attacking mids. West Ham’s build-up play collapsed by 17% without him (don’t take my word for it - check my @AnalystRafael thread).

Yet somehow, England’s governing body concluded that:

1. A £1M fine equals ‘restitution’ for torpedoing a £50M asset
2. Banning him during his prime development years (25-27) won’t affect Brazil’s NT pipeline
3. Zero consideration for psychological impact on creative players (see: my 2021 study on samba-style players under defensive systems)

Act II: The Cunha Conundrum

Now Seleção manager Dorival Júnior must retrofit Atlético Madrid’s bulldozer-in-chief Matheus Cunha into a playmaker role. My tactical board shows:

• Dribble success: Paquetá 63% vs Cunha 51%
• Key passes/game: 2.7 vs 1.2
• Defensive contribution: Okay, Cunha wins this one… which tells you everything about modern football’s war on specialists.

Act III: What We’ve All Lost

The real casualty? Football’s biodiversity. We’re left with:

• A generational talent training alone in Rio
• A federation that values process over people
• Fans deprived of those ginga dribbles that made even Anfield hold its breath

Maybe it’s time we start evaluating governing bodies with the same metrics we use for players - because right now, the FA’s xD (expected Decency) rating is hovering around negative figures.

Drop your thoughts below: Should creatives like Paquetá get special procedural considerations? I’ll be debating this live on Tuesdays Tactics Twitter Space.